SSA Education

Unlocking the Mystery of Same Sex Attraction

Find out How Same Sex Attraction Develops

It seems many are under the impression that gays and homosexuals are "just born that way," but studies of individuals with same sex attraction continue to point to a combination of common environmental factors as well as personality that necessarily contributed to the development of homosexual feelings. The subject of same sex attraction, what causes it, and what may actually change or decrease such attractions to the same sex is complicated and deserves an open honest investigation of the facts. The more you know the more you can help. Get started. Click a few of the links above and see what other organizations are saying about SSA.

People are born gay.

We believe No One is Born Gay. Homosexuality is a symptom of deep, non-sexual problems from early life when complex interactions of social and psychological factors leave normal emotional needs unmet. Same sex attraction then occurs as the body’s unconscious attempt to fill legitimate homo-emotional needs.

Gays can’t change.

Thousands and thousands of former gays as well as organizations such as the National Association for Research and Treatment of Homosexuality or NARTH, Exodus, Courage, People Can Change, PFOX (Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays) and so many more attest to the fact that men and women change every day. Change does NOT mean gaining heterosexual desires. Change occurs first in the heart and intellect or will. Change is turning from a Gay Lifestyle towards a life of Faith and fidelity to God. Freedom involves loosening the hold of SSA over a person's life and choices.

Same Sex Attraction is a sin.

While any homosexual act is intrinsically sinful, (as is any sexual act outside of marriage) feeling attracted to the same sex is NOT a sin. It is a developmental disorder.

SSA Myth Busters

No One Chooses
Same Sex Attraction !

SSA Causes

Many environmental factors contribute to the development of SSA, and researchers agree that no one thing is responsible. Rather, a “conspiracy of factors” come together in the right amount and at the right time to divert sexual desires to unmet emotional needs. While each person’s background is different, the emotional wounds which cause same sex attraction can be identified and healed. For example some common factors for males include:

Lack of an emotional bond with an absent or distant father, especially combined with a dominant, controlling mother;
Peer rejection leading to poor self image and self-hatred;
Gender Identity Disorder;
Sexual or emotional abuse;
Early exposure to pornography or experimentation;
Perceptions of feeling unloved;
Poor body image;
sensitive personality;
Social deficits;
Social phobia or extreme shyness;
Lack of hand/eye coordination and resultant dislike of team sports and teasing by peers;
Same-sex-sibling rejection;
Disrupted family life, parental loss by divorce or death;
Psychological depression;
anxiety disorder & more.

Remember no one factor is responsible, but a combination of factors and events usually combined with personality and perceptions contribute to the development of same sex attraction.

Cures

“Fixating on the homosexuality is like trying to cure the symptoms - not the sickness,” says ex-gay Mike Haley. Homosexuality stems for the most part from damaged relationships. Jeff Konrad, author of You Don’t Have to be Gay explains the reason for the strong feelings of attraction. “The homo-emotional drive is an innate proper urge to correct deficiencies, a reparative thing.” Identifying the root causes for each person is key. Only then can his legitimate same-sex needs be fulfilled through healthy, non-sexual friendships. For most as the causes are unraveled and addressed, and healthy relationships are formed with heterosexual friends, the symptoms of SSA subside and often disappear entirely.

There is much hope for individuals who suffer unwanted same sex attraction and are willing to work to overcome it. Working with patients, faithful Christian psychologists, therapists and counselors are able to help uncover the roots. Organizations offer education, resources, and support. Myriad self-help books and articles written by professionals and ex-gays are available as well. Here are just a few of the many organizations with answers and help:
SSA Hope (ssahope.com) NARTH.com PFOX.org
COURAGE (couragerc.net)
EXODUS International (www.exodus.to/)
People Can Change.com
New Hope Ministries (newhope123.com)
Evergreen International.org
Same Sex Attraction.org

Real Support through Prayer

Perhaps the saddest part about SSAD is not the condition itself but the ignorance surrounding it. Victims of this disorder are sucked into the false belief that they were born gay, and that their unhappiness stems from the world’s prejudice instead of from their emotionally damaged psyches. Many feel forced to abandon their Christian faith, rejecting God and His word. Worst of all they are forsaken by a vast majority of Christians who neglect to reach out to them in prayer. Help us bring these SSA Children (young and old) before Jesus in prayer! Please join the society by emailing “Yes I Will Pray” to

1. Where does homosexuality come from?
  People end up with SSA (same sex attraction) because of a number of contributing factors:
  • parental relationships
  • gender identity confusion
  • sexual and/or emotional abuse
  • peer rejection
  God intends for us to go through a series of stages in our emotional development, and those who experience same-sex attractions are stuck at an earlier stage. First, we are supposed to have a close bond with our mothers, then our fathers, then our same-sex peers, then finally opposite-sex peers. Those who are romantically or erotically drawn to their same sex need to grow and mature emotionally.
  How do people get derailed from God’s intended plan?
  We live in a fallen world (as the result of sin), with every person born into a fallen family with fallen parents. God’s plan is for every child to be celebrated and cherished by both a loving, affectionate mom and a dad who continually communicates and demonstrates unconditional love and acceptance. Sometimes, however, parents do not love their children wisely or well. Sometimes children do not make a good connection with their parents and are unable to receive the love parents are giving. Sometimes children are wounded by what their parents or other adults in authority do to them; sometimes they sustain a deficit from what their parents or their peers DIDN’T do for them. These factors can compromise a child’s “emotional immune system,” making him or her more vulnerable to the consequences of living in a fallen world.
  There are patterns for guys and for girls who experience same-sex attraction. With guys, there is a family dynamic that occurs so often it has become a stereotype: • a distant father who is absent physically and/or emotionally, leaving what some people have called “a father-shaped hole in one’s heart”
  • an overbearing mother or one who has an unhealthy and extremely close relationship with her son. This results in a boy identifying with the feminine instead of the masculine of his father.
  Many guys who feel they are gay report having experienced some kind of sexual abuse, usually at the hand of a man. Abuse warps a child’s sense of self, his personal sense of value and worth, his sense of personal boundaries and his understanding of how one connects to another person relationally. Many (if not most) guys who are attracted to other men also experience rejection from other boys when they are young. When peers call you gay, fag, queer, homo, etc., it is easy to believe that you are who they say you are. However, God doesn’t make anybody gay, fag, queer, etc. They’re not telling the truth. Guys experiencing SSA feel like they don’t belong in the world of men, and are far more comfortable in the world of females.
  With girls, there is often a significant disconnect with their mothers. It could be because their moms actually neglected, abandoned, or abused them, or it could be simply because a girl perceived that her mother didn’t love her or connect with her. Another huge element in a later development of same-sex attraction is a history of sexual abuse.
  Studies say it’s between 66-90% of girls who experience SSA.
  Girls who are uncomfortable with their femininity usually reject it out of the mistaken belief that femininity is weak, vulnerable, used, and contemptuous. Many girls who hate their femininity do so because this was modeled by their mothers. Additionally, if a girl does not receive affirmation of her femininity from her father, she will not believe she is beautiful or feminine. A girl usually believes she is whoever her father says she is. Girls experiencing SSA often feel fearful of masculine strength and power as the result of an important man either violating her or not being there for her. Some can overidentify with the feminine, going overboard on the frilly feminine end of the spectrum but still not having healthy relationships with guys; some create a “false masculine” butch image to protect themselves from being hurt. Some girls and women who fear and hate men are the most masculine looking and acting, but it is not because they ARE masculine; it is because they reject the feminine and want to be as  exual as a way of protecting themselves.
  Homosexuality is not really about sex at all. A better name for it might be “gender identity confusion.”
  Our culture has an inadequate understanding of gender that results in a lot of guys and girls not accepting God’s creation of male and female. Since God made humans “male and female,” we are different from each other. There is a “spectrum of masculinity” that is far broader than our culture seems to think. On one end is the macho guy, the typical “man’s man” who likes sports, aggression, being tough, and killing things. On the other end of the spectrum is the gentle, sensitive, artistic, creative kind of male. He often lacks the eye-hand coordination that would make him good at sports, but he has strong relational abilities and is highly creative. Both ends of the spectrum, and everything in between, are legitimate; God created the spectrum of masculinity and all expressions of it should be celebrated.
  The guys on the creative/sensitive end of the spectrum, if supported in their type of masculinity, can become the best husbands, pastors, counselors, teachers, musicians— and the list goes on. Jesus had the full spectrum of masculinity: He was both a man’s man, tough and unafraid, and He was unbelievably sensitive and relational at the same time. He had the physical strength of a carpenter and the artistic mindset of a craftsman.
  All kinds of people were drawn to Him. Jesus demonstrated the fullness of the true masculine.
  There is a corresponding “spectrum of femininity” for girls. On one end are the frilly, girlygirl type who are born loving pink and anxious to play house. (This, of course, is what our narrow-minded culture defines as feminine.) On the other end of the spectrum are the “jockettes,” the girls who are naturally physical, tend to be more aggressive and competitive, and hate dresses, doodling their hair, and anything “ladylike.” And, of course there are those in between as well. The tomboy end of the spectrum is just as God-created as the girly-girl end. When the jockettes are supported in their femininity, they can learn how to act like a lady without resenting it, and often are natural leaders and the best kind of mothers and teachers of boys.
  If someone labels you with something ugly like lez, dyke, queer, fag, or homo, don’t accept it as true. Think of these hurtful labels as nametags with the wrong name on them. Take off the label and speak the truth: “This isn’t me.” If you’re an artistic or musical guy, and someone labels you as gay, do not believe it. They do not know that your place on the gender spectrum is perfectly good and perfectly God-created. They simply do not understand that a different kind of masculinity does not equal an inferior kind of masculinity. The same goes for athletic girls without much patience for a traditional understanding of femininity.
  In some strugglers, there seems to be some degree of predisposition that “sets them up,” so to speak, for gender identity issues. For example, poor eye-hand coordination in boys that makes sports difficult, and higher testosterone levels in some girls that give them more masculine characteristics such as athleticism and aggressiveness. But predispositions do not determine choices or behavior. People may have predispositions to many things that society would not accept as normative or good (i.e. violence, alcoholism or depression). Gender identity problems are no different.

Where does homosexuality come from? Living Hope Ministries Answers the Question

The more you know, the more you grow. Keep an open mind and heart; learn the truth about Same Sex Attraction.

Learn about Female Homosexuality or Lesbianism Here

Read about a gay man's journey to the Catholic Church

Open the Door
to Education
& Freedom

HOME
About
Prayer
Parents
Support
Contact

Heterosexuality is NOT the opposite of homosexuality. The latter is a disorder, and the former is the natural result of normal sexual development and maturation. But in order to heal and become whole, (which healing may or may not result in the development of heterosexual desires), prayer is needed. Holiness cannot be reached without prayer. The problem is many individuals suffering same sex attraction disorder or SSAD are unable to pray. They are lost in a quagmire of misinformation, frustration, pain, guilt and shame. They desperately need our Christian support and prayers. Please pledge to pray today.

Info (at)
Sorrowfulhearts.com

“The answer to homosexuality is not heterosexuality. It’s holiness!”

Visit our sister site for more education at
ssahope.com

Teaching moment:
Chastity versus Celibacy

"Celibacy’s wider meaning refers to anyone who lives in an ongoing state of refraining from sexual intercourse. And in this sense, anyone who is unmarried should live “celibately.” However, a person could eventually marry and the celibacy would cease. More strictly, “celibacy” refers in the Church to a vowed, perpetual state of refraining from sexual relations that religious and priests undertake. Here the celibate state is ongoing and expected to be maintained for life.

Chastity is the virtue whereby we refrain from all unlawful sexual activity and intercourse. It is a virtue all are called to have, but its manifestation will vary based on one’s state in life.

Thus for the married, chastity means fidelity to one’s spouse in body, mind and heart. Any sexual contact with anyone outside of the marriage is adultery. Further, the viewing of pornography and fantasizing about someone other than the spouse is a form of unchastity. The use of contraception is also annexed to unchastity because it willfully excludes openness to the procreative dimension of sex.

For the unmarried, chastity means refraining from any form of genital sexual relations, to include inappropriate touching, immodest or inappropriate conversations, the viewing of pornography, masturbation and sexual fantasizing."

From Our Sunday Visitor Newsweekly, 1/4/2015, by Msgr. Charles Pope

Get Started on SSA Education

Are you on facebook?
Join our OnLINE Prayer Group where members agree to "STOP & PRAY for SSA" whenever they see a prayer request in their Timeline. It only takes a moment to bring someone to Jesus & Mary! Join us there, won't you?